A New Olympic Competition is Proposed
The Grumbler’s Olympics is meant to showcase talents that have so far gone unrecognized. Or even been treated like character defects. The dedication of these people to their chosen sports is evident by their high degree of skill.
The Olympic torch starts its journey to the summer and winter games from Greece. In a great ceremony, he head priestess uses a parabolic mirror and the sun’s rays to light the Olympic torch. The flame is then transferred to a representative of the host country.
But Greece said, “No thank you.” to also lighting the torch for the Grumbler’s Olympics.
Instead, the flame will be rekindled every 4 years in Hollywood California, then transferred to the host country. Baring copyright laws, the Hollywood ceremony will be a direct rip-off of the event staged in Greece.
The planning committee has so far created 3 special events for the Grumbler Olympics, and here they are.
The Self-Pity Competition
Place each competitor in a beautifully-decorated, temperature controlled room with a lovely view, and delicious trays of food. The room and food will be designed to please and delight that particular athlete’s taste.
For 15 minutes, the athlete must find fault with everything. Each person will be graded on the frequency and absurdity of complaints.
Athletes in medal contention will be easily recognizable, because they will cause the judges to want to shoot themselves. Since judging the Self-Pity Competition is inherently depressing, free counseling will be available to the judges afterwards.
Professional whiners, however, are permanently prohibited from this competition. These people are acknowledged self-pitying experts and are recognized by the majority of people.
Team Event: Backbiter’s Water Polo
Two referees will be encased for their own protection in large, unbreakable plastic bubble suits with an emergency air supply.
Each referee will be wearing the team colors of the opposing team. 10 polo players on each team will try to score using the ref wearing the opposing team’s colors.
The goal is to swim, toss or manhandle the encased referee between the opposite team’s watery goal posts, while shouting insults about the ref they are trying to score with. To protect his mental health, the refs will wear special helmets and be unable to hear anything, accept soothing music.
Backbiter Water Polo Rules:
- Insults must be short, between 1-4 words.
- Feature the letter displayed for 15 seconds on the sign at each end of the pool.
- The words must be easily understood.
- Each insult should clearly show imagination.
- If the insult is rejected, the same player has 2 seconds to shout another insult.
- No insult can be foul or sexually suggestive; no curse words are allowed.
- Should a player shout a prohibited word, that team’s referee will be ‘beached’ for 3 minutes.
For example: When “K” was featured during a regional event “He’s a Kumquat!” was considered a classic insult and allowed the team to successfully move toward the other goal. No insults are needed if the team succeeds in moving their referee underwater, but the team members participating in this maneuver must all be submerged too. Because of their buoyancy, the referees are not easy to ‘keep under.’ It usually takes a minimum of 7 players, and so this is not a favored tactic.
The first player who surfaces must scream out an appropriate insult within 3 seconds.
Insults cannot be repeated.
Backbiter Water Polo Scoring:
Each goal will be worth 2 points.
The final 5 minutes of the game will consist of both teams getting out of the pool, and freeing the referee they manhandled for 55 minutes. The players will then treat him to beer and pizza, while pretending to be his friend.
7 points will be deducted from the team’s score if the referee stays angry the entire 5 minutes or merely looks disgruntled or gloomy. But 8 points will be awarded to any team who succeeds in making the abused referee laugh or smile.
Negative scoring games are not uncommon.
The Motocross Mud Fest
Racers take turns circling the tract in pristine race suits- Each one does all the usual jumps
- Opponents listen for the engine and gage when the rider will pass them by.
- They use their rear wheels to sling mud.
- Racers are allowed to speed up, slow down, rev their engine and do tricks to avoid getting splattered..
If the mud hits the rider, the opponent scores.- Simultaneously an ugly slanderous rumor appears at the bottom of the screen.
- If the rumor can be disproved by fact-checking during the course of the event, the opponent must receive 3 penalty “mud blasts” from the mud bazooka.
The motocross racers with the cleanest uniforms wins the gold, silver and bronze medals.
State of the Sport
Unfortunately, the Grumbler’s Olympics will not be able to take place with only 3 contests. But it’s a start. Our committee is working hard to create future athletic events and some countries are beginning to show real interest. Hopefully the 1st Grumbler’s Olympic Games will take place in 2035.
My Spiritual Point:
I’ve been having some fun with my post this week. But the Scriptures are clear and they make my point better than I could.
2 All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, “If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this wilderness! 3 Why is the Lord bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn’t it be better for us to go back to Egypt?” 4 And they said to each other, “We should choose a leader and go back to Egypt.”
11 The Lord said to Moses, “How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the signs I have performed among them?
(Numbers 14:2-4, 11 NIV)
A person with a complaining, self-pitying attitude is never grateful for anything, not even the life-transforming miracles of God. They are forever victims.
But when I stumbled, they gathered in glee;
assailants gathered against me without my knowledge.
They slandered me without ceasing.
16 Like the ungodly they maliciously mocked;
they gnashed their teeth at me. (Psalm 35:15-16 NIV)
These images came from Pixabay.com.
Resources:
The Olympic fire is first kindled in Greece before the Winter and Summer Olympic games.
